"Mmfffrrmiff..." Bob murmured, cracking an eye open. He sat up and yawned, stretching his arms over his head. "Where are we?" he asked, looking around and noticing that he wasn't in the hotel room.
"We're still at the club Bob, you fell asleep. We have to get back to the hotel." Scott explained, pulling him by the arm up off the bar stool.
"What time is it?" Bob asked, allowing himself to be led while he rubbed his eyes.
"Almost six." Clint replied, holding open the door for his brothers.
The four boys escaped the dregs of the building onto the street. Daylight was breaking.
"Almost six?!" Bob exclaimed. "In the morning?"
"Yes in the morning." Dave said, yawning. "And we are going to get killed because Dad is going to come to wake us up and we won't be there."
"Dave, Dad said we could sleep in today, remember?" Scott pointed out with an easy-going shrug. "Chances are, he'll still be in bed and we won't have a thing to worry about. Relax."
"Yeah, you won't be relaxing when it's your ass he's kicking!" Dave exclaimed, a taxi pulling up beside them.
"What're you doing Dave? We can walk, it's only a few blocks." Scott said.
"What do you mean 'What am I doing'?" Dave asked in confusion.
"The taxi Dave." Scott said, annoyed. "Why did you just hail that taxi? We can walk."
"I... didn't just hail the taxi." Dave said slowly, turning to face the cab which had stopped right beside them on the sidewalk.
The backseat window rolled down and the color in all four boy's faces drained when they say their father sitting there with a not so happy expression on his face.
"Run!" Scott cried, taking off.
In the heat of the moment, Bob and Clint ran after him, Clint having to come back and grab a stunned Dave by the arm to follow.
* * *
"Not only did you break the rules and sneak out of the hotel last night, but you tried to escape getting in trouble by running through the streets of Rome back to the hotel! How stupid do you think I am? Do you think I won't notice my four sons gone for the night?" Frank boomed, pacing in front of the beds in the room.
His four sons sat at the foot of the first bed with their heads bowed.
"What other bad things have you done that I should know about?" their father continued.
"It was all Scott's idea!" Dave blurted out.
"Yeah, well Bob's been sleeping in the same bed with Timber when she sleeps over and he sleeps over at her house too when he says he's at Ben's!" Scott exclaimed, then realized his mistake.
Bob's face when snow white. "Scott!" he exclaimed. "Dave said that! Not me! And you swore you wouldn't tell!!!"
"Sorry!" Scott exclaimed. "It just slipped out!" He had always been bad with keeping his mouth shut.
"Yeah, well I have a few things that are going to slip out too! How about an ass whuppin’? That’ll slip out mighty nice!" Bob shouted, taking a pillow and smacking his brother over the head with it. "Hey Dad! I bet you might want to know what Scott was doing with some chick in a blue dress!"
"Pardon me?" Frank asked, raising an eyebrow at his son.
"Yeah Dad! He went into the bathroom with her and didn't come out for two hours!! Two whole hours! I timed!!!" Bob gushed.
"Scott, is this true?" Frank asked in disbelief.
"No Dad! Bob's making it up!" Scott cried, turning bright red. He glared at Bob.
"You cheated on Angela!??" Dave exclaimed. "You fucking bastard!"
"Dave!" Frank exclaimed. "Watch the language."
"I'm sorry." Dave said. "You cheated on Angela? You fucking ass hole son of a bitch uncle fucker!"
"It's Uncle Fucka Dave, not fucker." Bob corrected.
"Whatever! I can't believe you Scott!" Dave continued. "You had such a good thing going for you and you screwed it up! You really are a spineless... jerk!"
"Yeah!" Bob piped in, hitting Scott with the pillow again.
"Yeah Scott, you were always a hormone crazed ass hole, but we never thought you'd stoop so low." Clint scolded.
"Yeah!" Bob exclaimed, hitting Scott again.
"And don't come crying to us when she dumps your ass!" Clint continued.
"Yeah!" Bob exclaimed, hitting Scott again.
Scott snatched the pillow and chucked it across the room. "Hit me again and you'll be talking through your knees."
"How is that possible?" Bob asked curiously.
"You don't want me to show you." Scot threatened. "And Angela will not find out because no one is going to tell her." he added.
"So you cheat on your girlfriend and keep it from her?" Dave asked, emotions taking over. "You are so low Scott, you're scum. You don't even deserve to be called scum, you're SO much lower! You're the bacteria that feeds on scum like a poor person would on caviar and Perrier water! I knew you were going to cheat on her though. You couldn't let something like that last."
"Yeah!" Bob exclaimed, smacking Scott upside the head with his bare hand.
"Shut the hell up!" Scott exclaimed, grabbing Bob's wrist and twisting it behind his arm.
"Hey! Stop!" Bob whined.
Frank became part of the scenery as his sons fought, seeming to forget his presence. "How did this become a squabbling session between the four of you when I am supposed to be yelling at you?" he asked.
"Whoa, Dad, I forgot you were here." Clint admitted.
Dave shot Scott a look of disgust before getting up and closing himself in the bathroom.
"What's up with him anyways?!" Scott demanded, releasing Bob's wrist.
"Nothing!" Bob and Clint said in perfect unison.
"Whatever is going on between you boys better get sorted out by this evening and I'm not joking." Frank said sternly. "You are not to leave this room at any cause."
"Can we at least go back to our room?" Bob asked.
"No. I said you are not to leave this room and I mean it." Frank said.
"Awww man!" Clint whined. "I cannot be trapped in here with these characters all day!"
"I thought you liked me Clint." Bob pouted.
"I do Bob, but no offense, I can't be stuck in a room with you all day! I need some Clint time." Clint explained.
Bob nodded, understanding. "I understand." he said quietly.
"And then there's Scott." Clint continued. "No one can be stuck in a room with him all day."
"Up yours!" Scott snapped. "It's Dave who's having severe PMS."
"Good point." Clint agreed.
"Would you boys stop ignoring me?" Frank said, becoming a bit miffed. He was trying to discipline his sons and it wasn't proving very effective. "Like I was saying," he continued when he regained their attention. "You boys are not to leave this room at anytime. And trust me, I will know if you leave. And when I come back here this evening, all four of you just had better be in here and all of you alive. I don't mind bruises, broken bones, even lost limbs or any other types of battle scars, but I want all four of you alive."
"Well Dad, I can't be held responsible for any of my actions if Dave continues to get on my nerves like he has been lately." Scott said with a sigh.
"Well try to keep in control Scott." Frank directed. "I will be back later and you all better be in here."
"What about food??" Clint whined.
"You forfeited the right to eat when you betrayed my trust." Frank said, heading for the door.
"WHAT?!" The three boys exclaimed in unison.
"Isn't that a type of child abuse?" Scott asked.
"This is Europe buddy, everything's legal." Frank said with a smile.
* * *
"Dave!!! Get out of there! I have to pee!!!" Bob whined.
"Go in a cup!" Dave shouted through the door.
"Dave, I swear to God. If you don't get your stupid porn star ass out of that bathroom right now, I will kick it so hard that the best surgeons in the medical field will have to surgically remove my foot from your colon." Bob threatened.
Seconds later, the bathroom door cracked open and Dave's face appeared.
"Move!" Bob exclaimed, shoving past him and going for the toilet.
He heard the door close.
"We need to talk." Dave said, standing on the inside.
"Dave, you see, the object of the game where you close the door is for you to end up on the other side, the outside." Bob explained as he relieved his bladder.
"We need to talk, Bob." Dave repeated, taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub.
"About what?" Bob groaned, flushing the toilet.
"About Scott's little escapade last night." Dave said flatly. "He cheated on her, I can't believe he cheated on her! And she'll probably never know. And Scott's going to go on treating her like shit when I'm standing off to the side looking like a chump because I love her and I would give her the world."
"Who man, that was deep." Bob said with a chuckle.
"Shut up Bob!" Dave whined in pure agony. "I'm serious. I can't stop loving her."
"Why, do you want to stop?" Bob asked with a raised eyebrow as he leisurely washed his hands.
"No. I want her though, and I know I'll never have her."
"What are you two doing in there?" Clint asked from outside the door.
"Talking." Bob replied.
"Let me in." Clint directed, trying the knob and seeing that it was locked.
Dave got up and opened the door for his brother.
"Hey guys." Clint greeted, sitting down on the bathtub next to Dave.
Bob shut the faucet off and dried his hands on a towel. He closed the toilet bowl and sat down.
"Whatcha guys talking about?" Clint asked.
"Nothing." Dave said with a sigh. "I want to go to sleep. Where's Scott?" he asked.
"In the room." Clint replied. "Seriously guys, what were you talking about?"
"Dave's pissed because Scott cheated on Angie because he likes her and he knows that Scott's just an ass hole and doesn't deserve her." Bob summed up in one sentence.
Clint nodded in understanding. "Yeah, but you know what Robert Frost said: 'Nothing Gold can stay.'"
* * *
"Hey baby." Scott purred into the phone upon hearing his girlfriend's voice.
"Hey Scott. What are you up to?" Angela asked.
"Not much. I'm kind of... grounded so to speak." he replied.
"Grounded?" Angela asked. "What happened?"
"The usual. The four of us uh... went out last night."
"Went out?" Angela chuckled. "That means two things Scott, you went to a club and you got drunk." she said.
Scott smiled. "You know me all too well." he stated.
"So what else have you been up to?" she asked.
Scott froze. She knew. "N-nothing." he replied with a shaky voice. "Why do you ask?"
"I don't know. Just wondering I guess." she replied.
"Why were you wondering?" Scott asked, paranoia setting in.
Angela was taken aback. "No reason. I was just making conversation, why? Is there something I should know Scott?" she asked patiently.
"No..." Scott trailed off, giving his girlfriend reason to be suspicious. The triplets emerged from the bathroom. "Dave wants to talk to you." Scott said, thrusting the phone towards his youngest brother.
Dave looked at Scott in surprise before taking the phone. "Hello?"
"Hello Dave, how are you?" Angela asked pleasantly.
"Hey Angela. I'm fine, what about you?" Dave asked, sitting down on the bed because his knees had gone weak.
"I'm pretty good. Have you been enjoying tour?"
"Yeah. It's been pretty good." Dave replied, a mischievous smile growing on his face. "We went to a nightclub last night and I have to say that Scott had a lot more fun that the rest of us."
Scott's eyes went wide.
"Oh really?" Angela asked with a laugh. "Did he get drunk and make an ass of himself?" she asked.
"Drunk? Scott wasn't drunk but you should have seen the gir---"
"Hey Angela! Bob here." Bob exclaimed, snatching the phone from Dave. "What's shakin' babe?"
"What's this that Dave was saying?" Angela asked curiously.
"Oh, nothing. Dave just talks... no one really listens..." Bob said casually.
"Okay." Angela said, but still sounded suspicious.
"So what's going on over there?" Bob asked.
"Nothing really." Angela replied with a sigh. "I have to go though."
"Okay, well, it was good talking to you."
"You too." she said, then hung up the phone.
"Let me talk to her!" Scott exclaimed, reaching for the phone.
"Dude, she hung up!" Bob said, putting the phone back in the cradle.
"She hung up? Without saying goodbye to me?" Scott asked in disbelief.
Bob shrugged.
Scott turned to Dave and glared at him. "You little shit! You were going to tell her!" he exclaimed.
Dave shrugged lightly and smiled. "I wasn't going to Scott, I was just joking." he admitted. "I'm not as heartless as you."
"Up yours!" Scott exclaimed, diving onto Dave causing the both of them to fall off the bed.
"You guys!!" Bob cried, trying to pry his older brother off of his younger. Scott's grip on Dave's neck was too tight.
"I'm going to kill you, you little ass hole!!!" Scott growled, choking Dave as hard as he could.
Dave gasped for breath, turning bright red.
"Get off him Scott!!!" Clint screamed, grabbing a lock of his eldest brother's hair and pulling.
Scott howled in pain and instantly release his brother's throat, getting up off him as Clint directed him with his own hair.
Dave scrambled to his feet. "You're fucking crazy!" he exclaimed, panting.
"Let go!" Scott barked, trying to get Clint to stop pulling his delicate tresses.
"Are you going to go back and try to hurt Dave?" Clint asked.
"Yes." Scott replied.
Clint yanked his hair harder. "I repeat," he said firmly. "Are you going to go back and try to hurt Dave?"
Scott sighed, defeated. "No." he muttered.
Clint yanked harder again.
"Hey!" Scott whined. "I said NO!!"
"Sorry, this opportunity doesn't come along very often." Clint said.
"Let go of me!" Scott ordered, smacking Clint's hand away. He plopped down on the bed, burying his face in his hands. "I'm sorry Dave." he said, his voice muffled.
"You should be." Dave snapped, sitting down next to his eldest brother.
"I see what's happening here." Bob spoke up, sitting on the other bed so he was across the isle from Scott. Clint sat next to his twin.
"What's happening here?" Scott demanded. glancing up.
"You're having qualms." Bob stated matter-of-factly.
"I think the term is PMS, Bob." Clint corrected.
"No, no, he's having qualms." Bob said certainly.
"What the hell is a qualm? And why am I having one?" Scott asked.
"A qualm is a twist of the conscience." Bob explained. "Okay everybody, it's time for Spelling 101 with your teacher, Bob Moffatt."
"Oh God, here we go." Dave muttered under his breath, putting his head in his hands.
"Hey! Shut up or I'll give you a detention." Bob said, pointing to his perturbed brother.
"I don't know about them, but I want to learn Mr. Bob." Clint said with a big smile.
"Very good Clint, A plus." Bob said with a nod.
Clint beamed from his brother's comment.
"Okay. So a qualm is a feeling of regret kind of. A sudden uneasiness in the mind ya know?" Bob explained.
"Just get on with it." Scott moaned.
Bob gave him an annoyed look. "Anyway, so Scott is having that." "Qualms? K-W-A-L-M?" Dave asked.
"No Dave. Qualm, Q-U-A-L-M. And I have a trick for you to remember that, thus making this lesson have a point." Bob explained.
"A trick!" Clint clapped his hands together happily.
"Q is for how quick Scott was to fool around with the first thing in a skirt." Bob stated.
Clint and Dave laughed. Scott muttered a few choice words.
"U is for the undeniable fact that he was going to screw things up with Angie." Bob continued. "A is for... A is for..." Bob thought hard.
"What an ass he is!" Dave supplied.
"No, no! A is for how angry he is now and how angry she is going to be when she finds out." Clint said.
"Very good Clint, though Dave's was very truthful as well." Bob said with an approving nod.
"What's L for?" Dave asked, enjoying the game.
"What losers you guys are?" Scott suggested, not removing his face from his hands.
"Not quite Scott." Bob said firmly. "L is for lascivious, because it only took a lascivious smile for Scott to cheat on his girlfriend whom he is supposed to love. And M is for..."
"Masturbation, because when Angela dumps him on his ass, he won't be getting no booty call!" Clint giggled.
"I was going to say M is for the two months they have been going out before Scott got bored, but masturbation is always good." Bob laughed.
"And S is for secret because that's what this is and you guys aren't going to tell a soul!" Scott spoke up.
* * *
"I. Am. So. Fucking. BORED!!!" Bob shouted at the ceiling as he lay on his back on one of the beds.
Scott sat by the window, drumming his fingers on the armrest of the chair. He suddenly stood up. "AGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
The triplets looked up. Bob and Clint were lounging one of the beds while Dave was sprawled across the other.
"I can't fucking TAKE this anymore!" Scott declared, getting up and starting to pace. "We've fucking been fucking in the fucking fuck-hole of a fucking room for fucking five fucking hours fucking straight! I am fucking hungry! I am fucking STIR CRAZY!!! I have to fucking get out of this fucking place before I fucking break some fucking thing!"
"Whoa there tiger, slow your roll." Dave said, trying to calm his brother down.
"Dad can go fuck his mother, we are getting the fuck out of here!" Scott declared, pulling his shoes on.
"Nana?" Clint whimpered.
"Just get on your shoes guys. We are fucking out of here." Scott stated.
"Where are we going?" Bob asked, obediently lacing up his sneakers.
"To a restaurant first off, then we can go shopping or something. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking care. We are just going to get the fuck out of here!!!" Scott headed for the door.
The triplets jumped up off the beds and hurried after him.
* * *