"What the hell are you doing?" Bob asked, looming in the doorway of his older brother's bedroom.
Scott looked up from where he was placing his CD's in a drawer. His bedroom was now mostly barren, all the "valuables" placed up high.
"I'm baby-proofing my room" he replied, shutting the drawer and checking his watch.
"And may I ask... why?" Bob said slowly, a completely bemused, yet amused at the same time.
"We're having a baby!" Scott exclaimed as if this were information Bob should have already known.
The younger boy raised and eyebrow, holding up his warding-off hands. "We... as in... you and me?" he asked. "Isn't it a bit too early in the morning to be drinking?" he asked suspiciously.
"It's three o'clock Bob, and no I haven't been drinking. I'm having a baby... over, I mean." he explained, suddenly seeing what Bob was getting worked up for.
Bob still held a vacuous expression on his face.
Scott sighed, annoyed with such vacancy of the mind. "Angie and I have this bet. She said that I couldn't take care of a kid for a whole day and I'm going to prove her wrong. I'm baby-sitting Patti for twenty-four hours." he explained, raising a finger at the chiming of the doorbell. "And that should be them." he smiled pleasantly.
"Patti's coming?" Bob asked. "Oooh, she's so cute!" he gushed, following Scott out into the hallway and down the stairs.
Scott swung open the heavy front door to see Angela on the porch.
"Hey babe." he smiled, kissing her passionately on the lips and paying no mind to the little girl in her arms.
"Hey, hey, hey. If I wanted to see kertanging, I'd turn on the discovery channel." Bob informed them. "Is that the baby?" he cooed, taking Patti from Angela's arms. The little girl was sleeping, but gingerly conformed her arms to her new carriers neck, resuming her nap.
"She's napping right now, but she'll be up soon." Angela explained as Scott pulled her into the house by the front pockets of her jeans.
"I can't wait." Scott breathed, kissing Angela again.
His girlfriend pulled back. "Oh, you think I'm not mad about last night still?" she asked, an amused look on her features.
Scott pouted. "I said I was sorry." he grinned cheesily.
"No you didn't, and though it was a game, people still got hurt! Carmen will luckily be out of her ankle brace by Wednesday." Angela scolded.
Scott shrugged innocently. "It's not my fault the girl has no balance or coordination." he pointed out.
"Hey!" Bob said from the steps where he was rocking the child gently back and forth in his arms. "That's my girl you're talking about."
"Yeah, yeah." Scott muttered, waving an airy hand at his brother.
Angela looked at her watch. "I have to get to Tim's." she said. "But I'll be back tomorrow at three-o-seven. Here's her bag with diapers, clothes, her blanket, and baby shampoo. It's no-more-tears, so don't use a regular shampoo." she rattled off then grinned, patting Scott's cheek. "Good luck."
"Are you sure your parents are cool with this? I mean, I do have their young and impressional child." Scott mentioned, taking the large light green duffel bag as they headed for the door.
"A night with no children?" Angela asked. "I think they'll survive." she said sarcastically.
Scott half shrugged. "I dunno Angie." he sighed cockily. "One day with Scott and she might not want to go back."
Angela rolled her eyes. "Good bye Scott." she said, allowing him to kiss her cheek then leaving the house.
Scott turned back to Bob who was singing gently to the child. "Okay, okay, party's over." he said, taking Patti from his brother's arms. "This is my baby." he informed Bob.
Bob glared at his eldest brother. "You're so selfish." he scolded, retreating to the kitchen.
"Whatever." Scott mumbled, carrying Patti up to his room. She was sleeping. His job was easy.
* * *
3:54: Superman is cool
Being as the brothers were grounded for the weekend due to kamikaze activities that resulted in police intervention, Dave had decided to dig up his old collection of comic books. They hardly interested him anymore, so he figured he's put them up for sale on the Internet.
"Whoa... this is actually quite valuable..." he mumbled to himself, looking over and issue of an out-dated Superman comic. "Maybe I'll keep these..."
"Talking to yourself again?" Clint teased, having been standing in the doorway for quite some time.
Dave looked up, but decided against replying to his brother's comment.
"I'm so bored!!!" Clint exclaimed, flopping down on the bed and jouncing the mattress, squashing some various comics.
"Hey! Get off!" Dave scolded, pushing Clint back and retrieving the mashed booklets from under his brother. "Just 'cause you're bored doesn't mean you have to go raining on someone else's parade."
"My ass." Clint shot back, laying back on the pillows instead. "What is this shit anyway?" he demanded, snatching up a copy of Wonder-Woman. "Oooh Dave." he began sarcastically. "You are so cool."
"That's it, get the hell out of my room." Dave ordered.
"Make me!" Clint snapped back, cuddling up closer with his brother's pillow.
"I don't make trash, I burn it." Dave retaliated.
"Oh, that was pretty good." Clint complimented, closing his eyes.
"Thank you." Dave smiled.
The boys stayed in silence, Clint attempting the sleep again, though that ship had sailed, and Dave sifting through his comic books and placing them carefully in order.
"So are you going to that dance on Friday?" he asked.
Clint cracked open an eye. "It's a group thing, is it not?" he asked.
"Just making conversation." Dave surrendered.
"Well, yeah, then, whatever." Clint replied listlessly.
"Who're you going with?" Dave asked.
"Uh, you guys.... idiot." Clint replied, not bothering to reopen his eyes.
Dave rolled his eyes. "I know that retard." he said. "But like... Scott and Angela..." he said spitefully. "... Carmen and Bob, Ben and some chick named Kiki, and Me and Jeanine... Kelly and Trevor..." he rattled off.
"When the hell were all these plans made?" Clint demanded, his eyes opening and reflecting annoyance.
"Well, Jeanine asked if I wanted to be her date... you know..." Dave trailed, barely paying attention to his words.
Clint rolled his eyes. "So I'm going to be some fucking eleventh wheel." he stated, thoroughly upset by this information.
"Well, no." Dave shrugged. "You could ask Timber." he suggested.
Clint shrugged. "I guess so, but what if..."
"Where is she??!!" Scott exclaimed, bursting into the room unannounced. His eyes were wide as he was incredibly frantic.
"Where is who? What the fuck?" Clint asked, shaking his head and completely addle-patted.
"Patti!!!" Scott exclaimed, grasping chunks of his hair.
"Patti's here?" Dave asked, his eyes lighting up. "She's so adorable!"
"We've been through that already. Now tell me how that helps me find her?" Scott demanded irritably.
"Why's she here anyway?" Clint demanded, as cranky as imaginable.
"I'm baby-sitting! Where is she?" Scott asked, leaning his head against the wall. "I lost the baby! I'll never be a good dad!" he whined.
"Eeew, Scott, I don't want your overly gelled hair on my wall." Dave informed his older brother.
"Oh shut up! I'm looking for a child here!" Scott whimpered. "I lost the baby! Angela's going to kill me!"
"Well she's not in here! Go find her!" Clint urged.
"She was sleeping so soundly! I went to watch some TV, thinking she's still be sleeping! She was gone when I went back! How could I loose the baby!?!?!" Scott continued, ignoring Clint's comment.
"Go find her!" Clint said again. "Damn, she's not in here. Go away."
"What the hell is your problem?!" Scott and Dave demanded in unison.
"I'm fucking bored and dateless!" Clint rhapsodized. "Why wouldn't I be moody! Excuse me while I go drown my sorrows in a gallon of chocolate ice cream." he pouted, getting up from the bed and leaving the room, but not before brushing past Scott hastily.
Scott stood in the middle on the bedroom, staring into space.
"Um... sorry to interrupt, but don't you have a baby to find?" Dave asked gently.
"Shit!!" Scott exclaimed, leaving Dave alone again with his comic books.
* * *
4:01: Computers for dummies
"What's that?" Patti asked, pointing to the computer screen.
Frank looked to the doorway, surprised upon hearing such a small voice. "Well hello there!" he greeted the little girl.
"Hi." Patti smiled, deciding she liked the man already and running to him.
Frank aiding the child in climbing onto his lap. "What's your name?" he asked, brushing her cheek with his knuckles.
"Patti." she smiled, touching his stubble with her tiny hands. "Wass your name?" she asked.
"My name's Frank." he cooed, confused as to why this little girl was in his house. He studied her face for a minute while she continued to pat his stubble, amused by the texture and showing so when she giggled and informed him that it was scratchy.
The big brown eyes, the curly hair... "Are you Angela's sister?" he asked, only having heard of the cherub that his four sons adored.
"Uh huh!" Patti giggled. "Frankie!" she giggled, patting his stubble again.
He chuckled good naturedly, remembering what it was like to have a child in the house. Though he never had a little girl, this particular one reminded him of his early parenthood days.
"TV?" Patti asked, pointing to the computer screen.
"No, that's a computer." Frank laughed, balancing her on his left knee as he resumed his typing with her sitting contentedly and leaning her head back against his chest.
It was barely ten minutes when Scott burst into the office.
"Dad! Have you seen a little girl...." he cut off his sentence when he saw Patti nestled between his father's arms.
"Is this yours?" Frank asked, grinning.
Scott narrowed his eyes at his father. "Give her back Dad. I've been looking for her for ten million hours."
"I'm sure." Frank rolled his eyes. "Do you mind telling me what this little girl is doing here?" he asked. "Heaven knows you aren't responsible enough to be looking after the life of someone so young." he chuckled.
"Funny Dad." Scott rolled his eyes. "Give her to me. I'm baby-sitting for Angela. It's a bet that I can't watch a kid for twenty four hours."
"And you lost the kid within the first hour?" his father grinned. "I'll pray for little Patti here." he muttered, handing the child over to Scott who protectively held that baby to his chest.
"Where were you Patti! I was so worried!" he exclaimed, kissing her roughly on the forehead and causing her to cringe under the pressure of his lips on her skull.
"Frankie!" she replied, pointing to Frank. "Frankie's scratchy." she giggled.
"Yeah." Scott agreed, glaring at his father. "Frankie is very scratchy." he reiterated contemptuously.
Frank held his hands up in surrender. "Make sure you feed the child." he said.
"I know Dad." Scott said in an undertone. "I have all her stuff in a bag. I'm set."
"So you think." Frank mumbled, going back to his typing.
Scott rolled his eyes. "I can take care of it." he assured his father, closing the door softly as he left the room. "Okay Patti. Are you hungry?" he asked.
"Otay." Patti nodded, clapping her tiny hands.
"Okay." Scott nodded. "I'll make you some lunch."
As he walked past the stairs with child in tow, the triplets came bounding down.
"Just the guys I want to see!" he exclaimed. "I need your help!"
* * *
4:11: Hurray for boobies
"Do you remember me Patti?" Bob cooed, feeling her soft hands as she sat high atop phone books in order to reach the table.
"Boobie." she smiled.
Bob grinned forcibly. "No, it's Bobby."
"Boobie." she said again.
"Bobby." he corrected her.
"Boobie."
"Bob-by." he said slowly so she could follow him.
"Boob-bie." she mocked his tone, pleased that she was getting to him.
Bob gave up. Pulling back from the child, he went to where his brothers were perusing the contents of the pantry and refrigerator.
"Here." Scott said. "You guys get her something to eat, and I'll make sure she's entertained." he suggested.
"Okay!" the triplets said in unison, a habit Scott had always found incredibly annoying.
Rolling his eyes, he went to the table and sat across from the little girl.
"Okay." Clint said. "We have to make sure she has a balanced meal... she is a growing girl you know." he reminded them.
"So that means something from each of the food groups." Bob clarified.
"What are the food groups?" Clint asked, almost speaking rhetorically.
Dave rolled his eyes matter-of-factly. "The grains, fruits, vegetables, dairy, meat, and then the fats and sweets." he replied.
The identical triplets looked at him in surprise.
"And she needs at least six servings of the grains, at least two of the fruits, at least three in the vegetables, at least two in the meats and dairy, and very little of the sweets, fats, and oils." Dave continued, taking a plate out of the cabinet. He turned back to them. "What?" he asked.
"Nothing." Clint said, holding his hands up.
"So what do ya say I get the sweets and the dairy, Clint gets the fruits and vegetables, Dave... you get the meat and grains? Sound good?" Bob asked.
"Wait, what do I have again?" Clint asked.
"Fruits and Vegetables." Bob replied. "And like, two servings or whatever of each."
"Three of the vegetables." Dave corrected.
"WHAT-ever." Bob sighed.
"Boobie!!!" Patti screamed from the table.
"I swear!" Bob whispered hoarsely. "Timber has corrupted that child."
* * *
4:32: Health Class dropouts
"What the fuck is this!?" Scott asked, paying no regard to the fact that there were virgin and very impressional ears in his presence.
"Lunch!" Dave said, rolling his eyes. "Or is that not readily seen."
Scott gazed at the plate, shaking his head. His brother's were all on crack. He had always suspected, but now he was positive. On the plate were six crackers, two apples, a carrot, a miniature tomato, a small pile of spinach, a chicken drumstick, a slice of lunch meat, and two small cheese blocks. Bob set a can of Coke on the table beside the plate, topping off the pyramid of healthy foods.
"I'll give you three until the count of ten to explain this... this... I-don't-even-know-what-the-hell-to-call-it, and get out of my sight, before I do something that might put me in jail for a very long time." Scott seethed. "Nine..."
The smug smiles dropped off the faces of the triplets, replaced by confusion. Patti stared at the plate before her, also confused by the chaos.
"Well, what's wrong with it?" Bob demanded.
Scott's eyes widened as a vein in his temple began to bulge. "What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it!?!??" he demanded. "What's right with it?" he screamed. "How are you going to give a two year old girl Coke? A caffeinated beverage? For a little kid? You idiots! And what the hell are you giving her two apples and a carrot for? Her teeth aren't strong enough for that shit! And a chicken wing? A whole tomato? Who the hell eats just a plain tomato? And spinach! You know how kids just LOVE spinach!" he ranted sarcastically. "You three are fired! Get out of my site before I shove this carrot up your asses! And nobody eats cheese blocks plain!"
"I do!" Bob reminded him.
"You are also on crack!" Scott shouted.
Patti began to wail, tears running down her cheeks.
"See, you upset the baby!" Clint exclaimed. "All your yelling Scott! You made her cry!"
Bob scooped the child out of her chair, bouncing her on his hip.
"I did NOT make her cry! She's probably crying because she found out what idiots you guys really are!" Scott exclaimed.
Patti wailed harder.
"What is going on in here?" Sheila asked, entering the room with a magazine tucked under her arm. "What's all the yelling about? And why is this little girl crying? Who is this little girl?"
"You get three questions Sheil, and you're over you limit." Scott informed her, not in the mood to be questioned.
"Awww, sweetie..." Sheila cooed, taking Patti from Bob's arms. "Honey what's the matter?"
"Scott was yelling." Clint tattled.
"Why would you yell at this little angel?" Sheila asked, astonished.
"I wasn't yelling at her, I was yelling at these morons!" Scott pointed out. "This is the lunch they aimed to feed a two year old girl!"
Sheila scanned the plate, then looked back up at the triplets. "Why would you do such a thing?" she asked. "A child can't drink Coke. I'll make some macaroni and cheese for the five of you while you, Scott, explain to me why you are in possession of this baby."
* * *
4:56: Devil in diapers
Sheila stirred the creamy macaroni in the pot, listening to Scott ramble on about his agreement with Angela while Patti sat in his lap facing him and playing with his necklaces. The triplets also sat around the table, adding their input to the conversation every now and then and earning a glare from their brother.
"Wait... lemme get this straight." Sheila cut in. "Angela actually trusts you with the life of a close and dear human being?"
Scott rolled his eyes at his stepmother. "That's what Dad asked." he informed her, bouncing Patti on his knee. "Why does everyone think I'm incapable of being a good guardian? I happen to be very good with kids!"
"Yeah right!" Bob chuckled.
"Enough from you." Scott said, pointing a malicious finger at him.
"I wouldn't trust you if I was Angela... in fact, she pro'ly has the house tapped!" Bob continued, beginning to laugh.
"No, she would have rushed in then... when he lost the baby and all." Clint pointed out.
"True." Bob agreed.
"And when he made her cry!" Dave added.
"You lost the baby?" Sheila asked, shocked but with an amused expression.
"She ran away!" Scott exclaimed. "It wasn't my fault! She was sleeping one minute, and the next, she's with Dad on the computer!"
"Was she sleeping in your bed?" Dave asked.
"Yeah... what does that have to do with anything?' Scott demanded.
"So that's why you have those flowery sheets!" Dave laughed. "I thought you were exploring a new route of sexuality."
"Well she's a girl!" Scott exclaimed. "She likes flowers! I wanted to create a nice environment for her!" he said defensively as he stroked her fingers lovingly.
"Awww." Sheila smiled. "I wish I had a baby girl."
The four boys at the table shot her a look.
"Don't even think about it." Clint warned.
The woman chuckled. "I wasn't, I wasn't." she assured them. "Who wants macaroni and cheese?" she cooed, bringing a small bowl of the steaming noodles to the table.
"Me! Me! Me!" Bob exclaimed; he was very hungry.
"I was referring to the toddler." Sheila informed her third step-son.
"Oh." Bob pouted. "Am I next?" he asked.
"If we go in order of maturity." Dave quipped.
Sheila laughed. "You guys can come serve yourselves." she informed them.
"Except for me Sheila..." Scott reminded her, pointing to the child in his lap.
Sheila rolled her eyes. "Yes, of course." she said, taking a bowl of macaroni to the table for him. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going back to the living room." she announced.
"What? Is Oprah on?" Clint mumbled.
Sheila tapped him upside the head, causing him to nearly choke.
"Thank you She-she." Patti smiled, waving to the woman.
"See you guys?" Sheila said. "You should take lessons from this two year old. She's the only one who appreciates me."
"Thanks Sheila." her sons chorused.
Sheila rolled her eyes playfully, heading back to the living room.
Bob was turning to his bowl of macaroni, steamy and ready for ingestion, when he was met on the side of the face by a handful of the pasta. The giggling of a little girl was heard.
"Hey!" Bob exclaimed. "Who did that?"
"Who do you think?" Clint demanded.
"Boobie." Patti giggled.
"It's BOB!!!" Bob exclaimed, evoking more peals of laughter.
"Boobie!!! Boobie!!! Boobie!!!" Patti exclaimed, taking a handful of macaroni and throwing it at him.
"Hey! You're not very nice!" Bob complained. "Make her stop Scott!"
"Patti, eat the macaroni please." Scott requested.
Patti giggled and crammed a handful of macaroni at her face, only a small percentage making it into her mouth.
Scott grinned. "Patti, use a spoon." he advised in a soft tone.
"NO SPOON!" she barked, causing him to abhor in shock.
"She's not very nice." Bob pouted. "She threw macaroni and now she's yelling!" he whined.
"At least she hasn't had a chance to get to me, the one she hates." Clint said spitefully.
Scott tried to coax a spoon into her now soiled fingers.
"NO!" she shouted, throwing it back it him.
The piece of silverware narrowly missed his head. "Patti! What has come over you?" he asked.
She immediately stabbed her tongue out at him.
The four brother's exchanged a look of terror, knowing they'd be in for more that they thought.
* * *
5:36: Potty mouth
"Scotty." Patti tugged at his shirtsleeve.
"Hmmm?" Scott asked, distracted by the television before his tired eyes. He had been up for what seemed like three weeks, and the television blaring before his eyes was the only thing keeping him fully awake. Besides, Beverly Hills 90210 was on and he had vowed never to miss an episode.
"Potty time." Patti informed him.
"Go ahead, first door on your right." he directed, not taking his eyes off the screen. Donna was just about to be raped and he wouldn't miss that for all the diamonds in South Africa.
"Potty time!!!" Patti whined more urgently. "Potty!!!!"
"First door to your right." Scott repeated. "Go ahead, I'll be right here."
The little girl gazed at him with an unmistakably annoyed expression on her face. Climbing onto his lap, she screamed her request into his face.
"Alright, alright!" Scott finally accorded. "I'll take you to the bathroom!"
Scooping her up by her underarms, he whisked her off to the half-bath in the hallway. He set her down on the floor beside the toilet.
"I suppose you want to go about doing this alone, so I'll be right outside the door." He promised, shutting the door behind him as he left the room. "Take you time!" he called through the door, knowing that going to the bathroom was a big deal for little kids.
He tiptoed to the end of the hallway where he had a partial view of the television. Fortunately, he hadn't missed much of the Donna-rape story.
"God I wish that girl could act..." he mumbled to himself, slightly disgusted, but still thoroughly engrossed in the busty blonde prancing helplessly across the screen while her attacker bustled after her. He became so involved in the show at hand, the next thing he saw was the ending credits.
Pausing for a moment, and listening to the silence, Scott became aware of the fact that the little girl had not yet emerged from the bathroom.
"Patti?" he called, again just outside her door. "Patti? Are you okay in there?" he asked.
No reply.
"Patt?" he tried knocking once more. "Patti, I'm coming in." he informed her, cracking the door open and peeking in, as if the buffer the blow of the site he might see.
But there was no site to see. She stood where he had set her, staring up at him through big brown eyes.
"Did you go?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"Why not? Are you shy?" Scott asked, stooping to her level. "Are you scared?" he asked.
She shook her head, eyeing him with an expression Angela had used on him many times before. "Then why didn't you go?" he asked. "Do you need... help?" he prayed she didn't need help. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle it.
"Potty!" she suddenly exclaimed, contorting her face in an awkward expression.
"What... what are you doing?" Scott asked, suddenly alarmed. "You aren't going now... are you? No! Wait! Hold on, lemme get you on the toilet!" he pleaded, lifting her dress only to see a diaper strapped on tightly. "You wear a diaper?" he asked, suddenly very confused. "You mean... you aren't potty trained?"
She shook her head.
"SHEILA!!!!"
* * *
5:48: when diapers strike back
Scott held the plastic object upside down in his hands. "Okay... which way does this contraption go?" he asked.
"The side with the bunnies.... duh." Bob shot back haughtily.
"Those are kitties." Dave corrected him.
"Puppies!" Clint insisted.
"You guys, they're flowers." Scott interjected, showing them the diaper.
"Well I was closest." Bob insisted.
"Whatever. Just help me put the thing on." Scott ordered.
"Isn't this like, child abuse?" Dave asked, politely not looking at the female parts of the little girl.
"No, she's two, and we're changing her diaper. If it were child abuse, then all the kids in the world would be wearing dirty diapers." Scott informed them. "That's what Angie told me at least."
"Whatever." Dave sighed. "But I will have no part in this." he concluded.
"No Scott..." Bob sighed, taking the diaper from his older brother. "You have to put it on so the flowers, or whatever, are on the front! Not in the back! Then you can't see them!"
"Okay, okay!" Scott complained. "Hey, wait, there're flowers on both sides! What the hell?"
"The smaller side goes in back." Clint informed them.
"How do you figure?" Scott asked.
"Well with thongs, the smaller side always goes in the back obviously." Clint explained. "So the smaller side has to go on the back."
"You idiot!" Scott exclaimed, striking his brother next in line with the diaper. "They don't make diaper thongs! The smaller side pro'ly goes in front. That's the only way it'll fit. I already tried it the other way."
"And plus the clips have to be facing front so it looks cool." Bob added.
"Exactly." Scott agreed.
After a bit of fiddling with the diaper, Scott managed to get it to close. "I'm a natural." he said with a smile. "I wonder why Angela got such small ones. She pro'ly did that to throw me off, but I didn't fall for it." he said proudly.
Sheila strolled in. "How's diaper duty boys?" she asked, peering over Bob's shoulder.
"Just fine. I'm a natural born father." Scott smiled.
Sheila laughed, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Then why is her waist in one of the leg holes?"
* * *
6:24: Comic books are for babies
Back to the comics. Dave continued sorting and stacking, placing comics into boxes while "Learn to Fly" by the Foo Fighters blared in the background. He never noticed the little girl who slipped in through the half-opened door.
"I'm looking to the sky to save me...." he muttered the familiar words.
"Hi." Patti said sweetly.
Dave looked up in surprise. "oh... hey..." he said cautiously. After the incident at the lunch table, he didn't want to be placed in a position where he would be attacked by this toddler.
"Whaya doin'?" she asked, climbing onto the bed.
"Sorting comic books." he replied, stiffening up as she slid into his lap.
"Comic books." she repeated, instilling that word into her vocabulary.
"Uh huh." he murmured. He could smell the scent of strawberries in her soft curls of hair. He recognized that shampoo as the same kind Angela used.
Patti watched him for a moment as his arms worked around her. She eventually climbed out of his lap and crawled across the bed to a lonely copy of "the Hulk."
"Greem." she said. "He's greem."
Dave chuckled at her pronunciation of one of his favorite colors, thinking of correcting her, but changing his mind. She was two; she'd learn soon enough.
Just when he was under the impression that this visit from the cherub was going to be pleasant, she took the issue of "the Hulk" and threw it to the floor, giggling.
"No Patti, don't do that." Dave softly scolded her.
Patti giggled even more, taking the next comic book within the grasp of her tiny fingers and throwing it to the floor.
"No! Don't!" Dave whimpered as she went for the pile of his superman comics.
She giggled shrilly, pushing the pile over and sending it to the blue carpet.
"Stop! Arghh!! No!" Dave whined, making the baby laugh even more.
Patti then reached for Dave's most valued comic, his one-of-a-kind, first issue of superman, lacking the plastic wrapper.
"No!" he exclaimed, grabbing the other end just as she did.
"Mine!" Patti exclaimed.
"Mine!" Dave yelled back.
"Mine!" Patti snapped.
"Mine!" Dave shouted, tugging it back towards him. It amazed him how good of a grip she had.
"Mine!" she cried.
"Mine!" Dave scolded.
"MIIIIIIINE!!!!" Patti screamed, letting go deliberately and sending Dave backwards off the bed.
"Ow! Shit!" Dave sputtered, hitting his head on the floor.
She broke into peals of laughter, climbing down off the bed and going to where he lay. "Here." she said softly, handing him the booklet. She then gave him a big kiss on the mouth, making it impossible to stay mad at her.
"Yeah, you go ahead Poison Ivy." Dave mumbled, checking the magazine to make sure it was still in tact.
Patti fled from the room leaving a trail of her innocent strawberry scent behind with a hint of macaroni and cheese.
* * *
6:47: Wolfman
Bob's heavy eyelids continued to drift shut, making it impossible to read the book he was indulged in. The novel eventually fell away from his fingertips as the embryonic stages of sleep set in. He had slept a good ten hours that night, more than he usually got, which made it hard to believe that he would be so tired again so early. However, he supposed that's what excessive boredom did.
A presence behind him on the bed. Too tired to turn, he muttered for Clint to leave and shut the door behind him. His request was followed by two small hands on his hip.
Bob jumped in surprise. "Whoa!" he exclaimed, seeing Patti kneeling beside him. "Where'd you come from."
"Hi Bobby." she said sweetly.
Bob grinned, thankful that she had called him "Bobby" as opposed to the usual "Boobie."
"Hey Sweetheart." he cooed. "How are you?" he asked. "Where's Scott?"
"Scotty sleeping." she replied, sitting back on the bed with her legs tucked beneath her.
Bob sat up, suddenly fully awake, and placed each of his outspread legs on either side of her. "Scotty's sleeping?" he asked. "On duty?"
"He sleepin' in the kishen'." she replied, reaching out and petting both of his legs. "You gots fur." she informed him.
Bob chuckled. "No, that's hair." he said with a grin.
"Fur?" she asked.
"Hair." he corrected.
"Fur." she said.
Bob sighed deeply. What had he gotten himself into now? He pointed to the locks of brownish and golden hair on his head. "Hair." he said.
"Hair." she repeated.
he touched her soft curls. "Hair." he said again.
"Hair." she repeated.
He touched his legs. "Hair." he told her.
She touched his legs. "Fur." she said.
"No, no, no." he sighed, snatching one of Timber's stuffed cats from where his pillows were. "Fur." he told the cherub with demonic intentions. Then he touched his legs. "Hair." he said again.
Patti nodded, touching the cat. "Fur." She then touched his legs. "Fur!" she said firmly then stabbed a small, beautiful finger at him. "YOU A PUPPY!!!" she accused.
* * *
6:57: the tale of the Toe-eating, baby slaughtering monster
He heard her before he actually saw her. Her tiny pitter-pattering steps on the hallway floor... her muffled giggles, for she covered her mouth with her tiny hands. When she arrived, he would be ready.
As she peeked her head, filled with devious thoughts, around the edge of the door, he grinned, knowing precisely what her intentions were. He pretended not to notice her, to rather observe her actions, knowing they would be malicious and impish.
"Hi Cwinty." she said sweetly and shyly.
He glaced up from the book he had snatched up just as she arrived, not noticing he held it upside down. Hell, it wasn't like she would notice either.
"Mmm, hi." he muttered, mocking business. One wrong move and she would go running, botching all chances of her ever seeing what a nice guy he was. He would make her see.
"Whatdya doin'?" she asked, approaching with the utmost caution.
Clint sighed passively, even managing a nonchalant yawn. "Reading." he replied, flipping his book around when he knew her eyes weren't on him.
Just as she had hoped, Patti marched right up to his bed and climbed up onto it so she was sitting next to him. Clint pretended not to notice. She snuggled under his arm, wanting to partake in the mental journey on which he was embarking through the pages of the novel.
"Read me story pwease." the baby requested, snuggling closer to him.
"Okay, I guess." Clint said passively. Knowing she would not be interested in the novel her held in his hands, he pretended to read from the pages while actually improvising a story of his own. "Once upon a time, there was a little girl." he began.
Patti watched him adoringly as he spoke, hanging on his every word.
"This little girl was very mischievous. She liked to throw food at people, and scream, and mess up people's comic books... So one day, she met a fairy." He turned the page. "Now this fairy told this little girl... we'll call her Matti. He told Matti that she was a very bad girl and that he was going to cut off her fingers and cut off her toes, just for being a bad little girl!"
Patti dramatically clapped a hand over her mouth, gasping. "He cut da toesies?" she asked.
"He cut the toesies." Clint confirmed. "When she was asleep in bed, he snuck in and chopped off her toes and fingers too, and he ate them for DINNER!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
Patti screamed shrilly, jumping down from the bed and running out into the hall. "Scotty! Scotty! Scotty!!!" she sobbed.
"No! Patti wait! I was kidding!" Clint exclaimed, running into the hallway after her.
She screamed upon seeing him, running towards Scott's bedroom.
"What is it baby?" Scott exclaimed, running out of his room and scooping her up.
"He says he's gonna cut my toesies!!!" Patti whimpered, pointing an angry finger at Clint.
"The FAIRY!!! Not me! And I was kidding!" Clint exclaimed. "I would never do that! I promise!" he insisted, reaching for her arm.
"NO!!!" Patti screamed, clutching to Scott's neck for dear life. "He's gonna eat me!" she screamed.
"Clint! See what you did!" Scott scolded. "You are such a fu--- mean person! What's your problem?"
"She asked me to tell a story!" Clint defended himself.
"So you talk about eating her and cutting off her toes?" Scott demanded. "You mean person! You mean, mean, mean person! How could you say that to a two year old?"
Scott plated a kiss on Patti's forehead, stroking her curls. "Come on baby, we'll leave the bad old man alone." he coaxed, carrying the child into his bedroom.
"What'd you do?" Dave asked, hanging out of his doorway. He had heard the screaming child and came out to see what was going on.
"Nothing!" Clint defended. "The kid just can't take a joke!"
"What'd you say?" Bob asked, peeking out behind Dave.
"I was telling her a story and she got all scared and ran out!"
"She's two Clint!" Dave reminded his brother. "I mean, she may be a handful, but she's so cute, you can't stay mad." he grinned. "Why would you do such a thing to a baby?"
"Yeah!" Bob exclaimed. "Are you going to be stealing candy from her too?"
Clint growled in frustration. "You guys just don't understand!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up and retreating to his bedroom.
* * *
7:55: Bathtime Song
"Imagine all the people... living life in peace..." Scott sung in a soulful tone, his voice amplified by the acoustics in the bathroom.
Patti splashed at the water in the tub around her, enjoying the feel of Scott's fingers on her scalp, massaging in the baby shampoo.
As if a moment in his home could go by uninterrupted, he actually jumped in startlement when there was a knock at the door. Two pairs of dark brown eyes peered into the room, two smiles to go with them.
"What do you guys want?" Scott asked, slightly annoyed, but not really minding their presence.
"Are you giving her a bath?" Bob asked, entering and crouching down on the white tile floor beside his eldest brother.
"No, we're robbing a bank." Scott quipped sarcastically.
"Hi Patti!" Bob cooed, allowing her to grasp onto his finger. "You're so cute!"
"I wanna help too!" Dave exclaimed, crouching on the other side of Scott.
Scott looked at the two of them skeptically at first before shifting over to allow Dave space. He found himself becoming very protective of the little girl.
"Sing song!" Patti urged, wanting her favorite person in the universe to continue singing to her.
Scott glanced nervously at his brothers. He had never been particularly nervous to sing in front of them, but for some reason, at that moment, he would rather have his song with Patti to be clandestine.
"Sing the song!" Patti pressed, mesmerized by his raspy and tangy voice.
Bob and Dave looked to their brother expectantly. "Yeah, sing the song!" Bob persisted.
Scott glared at them once more before clearing his throat. With another pause, he continued with his song, not knowing he was lulling the baby into the realm sleepiness.
"You may say I'm a dreamer...." he continued, his fingers resuming their gentle scrubbing on her head. "But I'm not the only one. I hope some day-ay you'll join us.... and the world will be as one..."
A long silence passed as Dave and Bob stared at their older brother patiently, waiting for him to continue.
"That's it?" Dave asked, a somewhat disappointed tone to his voice.
"Yeah,, well, the songs over." Scott explained with a shrug. "Sorry I couldn't make it more complete for you guys, but we started before you came."
"Sing another one!" Bob ordered.
"Why?" Scott demanded.
"Because." Dave replied for his triplet. "It would make the lady happy." he added with a gentlemanly quality to his voice.
Scott rolled his eyes. "Well, let's all sing one... ladies choice though." he suggested.
"Whoa whoa whoa! We need to get Clint in here!" Bob interrupted, getting to his feet and disappearing into the hallway.
Scott cupped his hands and scooped up some water, pouring it gently onto Patti's soap-laden curls.
"What did you drag me in here for?" Clint whined from the hallway, not appreciating being dragged from a good chick flick on television.
"We're going to sing." Bob explained.
"Hey, whoa whoa... we don't have to do anything musical until December. I'm not going to go using up my energy for that now!" the slightly older and identical triplet declined. "Hell no... Ahhh!" he screamed, seeing Patti nestled in the tub. "I'm not singing for that spawn! She'll kill me!"
"Clint!" Bob called after his brother as his twin ran back to his bedroom.
"What a pussy." Dave lamented, getting to his feet.
"That's okay. We have to get her out of the tub anyway." Scott cooed, continuing to rinse her hair.
"Don't worry, Patti will get her song." Dave assured his brother. "We just have to talk, and maybe even smack, some sense into Clint." he said, dragging Bob with him down the hallway.
Scott rolled his eyes, thankful to have his brother's gone and it be silent for once. "Looks like it's just you and me again Missy-Kissy." he smiled, snatching a towel off the rack and sweeping her out of the tub in it.
"Sleepy." Patti told him, resting her wet head on his shoulder as her bustled about the bathroom, looking for where he kept the diaper and her pajamas.
"Awwww, you've had a busy day." he crooned, laying her on the counter as he got her diaper ready. "I have too. I mean, I never thought I'd be able to put one of these on someone!" he laughed, a sound that caused her to giggle. "Do you wanna hear the song?" he asked.
Patti nodded, knowing what he was talking about.
Scott grinned. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..." he sung in a hushed tone. "With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you...." after delivering a big kiss to her forehead, he continued. "Won't you say you love me too!"
Patti giggled her usual, shrill giggle. "I wuv you Scotty!"
* * *
8:37: Bedtime Song
"Bedtime." Scott said, laying the toddler into the bed. "Sleep tight." he said, kissing her on the mouth and heading for the door.
Patti whined loudly. "No Scotty!" she exclaimed, reaching out for him. "You have to sleep too!"
"No Patti, my bedtime isn't until later.": Scott told her, flicking off the light. He cringed as she began to cry out for him. With no more than a heavy sigh, he re-entered the room and silently began to set up his sleeping bag on the floor, knowing he would get no peace without her asleep as soon as possible. At least she wasn't asking him to read her a story; he couldn't take that. He was more than exhausted. He was to the point where he just wanted to lay on the couch and sleep to the hum off the television set.
"You gotta wear pajamies Scotty." Patti informed him, seeming much awake, much to his dismay.
Scott heaved another sigh, dragging his shirt over his head and fishing in his bureau for a tee-shirt. He kicked off his pants and hung them on the chair, collapsing onto the sleeping bag. "Goodnight Patti." he murmured in a monotonous tone.
"G'night!" she giggled.
He shut his eyes against the brightness of the room. Moaning in regret, he knew he'd have to get up and shut off the light... maybe later. Against his innermost wishes, he began to drift off to sleep. He was in the proximity of dreamland when he felt a warm body beside him. Cracking open a sleepy blue eyes, he was met with the snuggliness of Patti.
"You gotta sweep with me!" she said, trying to curl up under his arm.
"No, no, no." he objected. "You sleep on the bed and I sleep on the floor." he told her.
"I sleep on floor." she said firmly.
"No, I sleep on floor, you sleep in bed." he corrected her.
"I on bed! You on bed!" she instead.
"I on bed, you in river." he mumbled, groaning as he stood up. Angela did this everyday. She was his hero.
Patti scampered behind him, climbing into bed as he did. Scott aimed to lay with her until she was fast asleep, which would hopefully be soon.
"Sing a song." she begged.
"Go to sleep, little baby, before I attack you with a sledgehammer..." he sang.
She giggled. "Sing a real song!" she insisted.
"Okay, okay!" he gave in, trying to think of a good song to sing for her "Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane... I can see the red taillights heading for Spain, oh and I, I can see Daniel waving goodbye. God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes."
Just as he had hoped, the little girl closed her eyes, making a fast transition to wakefulness to sleepiness.
"Daniel my brother, you are, older than me do you still feel the pain. Of the scars that won't heal your eyes have died. But you see more than I. Daniel you're a star; in the face of the sky..."
* * *
12:14: A father's reflection
Seeing the dim glow of light in the hallway coming from Scott's room, Frank crept in the nighttime stillness of the house. Peering inside, he saw his eldest son, snuggled in bed with his little baby, both asleep soundly.
Maybe now he'll think twice before sex... the father hoped, a grin forming on his lips.
He couldn't help but marvel at how adorable his son looked with the tiny child in his possession. It made Frank reflect on his days of early parenthood. He sighed, wishing his children hadn't grown up so fast. The music business had made them so tough, it was good to know that they could still feel for another human being, though that had never been an issue in jeopardy. Another sigh escaped his lips as he flicked off the light. Though sometimes he doubted himself, he still, in the end, knew that he did a good job of raising his children. A damn good job.
* * *