The following Saturday, the still in-tact portion of the crew found themselves out bright and early. Jeanine, Ben, and Timber had initially planned to head into town and sign up for summer dance courses, however, once hearing of his best friend’s plans, Bob pleaded to tag along. It wasn’t long before the original three had expanded to include not only Bob, but Dave, Clint and Kelly as well.
The cohort assembled at the Moffatt’s house at ten that morning and decided to take advantage of the gorgeously clear-skied day by taking a leisurely walk out to their destination. They arrived and completed their task by eleven, only left to be standing on the main street with an open day left ahead of them.
“I feel like ice cream.” Kelly stated, using her hand to create a visor from the sun as she peered about the streets. She was easily the shortest of the group, wearing flat soled sandals along with a denim mini skirt and yellow tank top adorned with tiny orange and pink flower buds. Her hair was worn loose, fluttering about her shoulders with aid of the subtle summer breeze.
Clint stepped closer to the curb, standing beside her in loose jeans and a “London Calling” tee-shirt. He frowned, still tired from minimal sleep the previous night, and annoyed because he had to be awake before the hour of noon. At the mention of ice cream, however, his mood seemed to lift considerably.
“Sounds like a plan.” Ben stated, stepping up next to Clint on the curb. He was clad in a pair of tattered kahki pants and a white tee-shirt which read: “Drunk? Free Breathalyzer Test. Blow here.” In large blue writing with a red arrow pointing downwards. His curly hair was scattered on his scalp, tossed by the occasional breeze.
Dave and Jeanine were standing by the entrance of the dance studio, facing each other with their hands clasped together. They were giggling about something that excluded the rest of the group. Once their chuckles died down, they joined the others on the curb, Dave’s arm slung low on her waist, fingers toying with a belt loop on her snug blue jeans. She was wearing a red Abercrombie and Fitch drawstring tube top on her upper half, exposing two very golden shoulders. Dave himself had thrown on a pair of khaki slacks and a black tee-shirt.
Bob and Timber acted much like the other couple, giggling at something no one else was informed about. The truth was that they were taking turns pinching one another discreetly and finding the game to be utterly hilarious.
“Yeah, let’s go to Häagen Dazs.” Dave agreed, surprising the others that he had been paying attention to their previous discussion.
“Yeah. I want some ice cream.” Clint agreed, pouting and rubbing his hair. “I need sugar. I can’t believe it’s eleven in the morning and I’m actually awake to see it.”
“I can’t believe you’re awake either.” Timber grinned, swerving in front of him to avoid Bob’s fingers.
Kelly and Ben were leading the group down the street, setting the lax pace. Naturally, Jen and Dave brought up the rear, swinging hands and taking on a strolling pace.
“Ow!” Timber exclaimed as Bob pinched her right on the side above her hip. She promptly retaliated, causing him to flinch and whine.
“Ow Tim!” Bob pouted, rubbing his sore spot.
“Yeah, that’s right; take it all bitch!” Timber said haughtily, sidestepping him as he threatened a counter strike.
She nearly walked into the window of the rec center. “Whoa, shit.” She muttered, trying to catch her balance. Her eyes caught on a large poster in the glass and she halted to read it. “Beauty pageant...”
Jeanine came up from behind, her curiosity peaking when she saw her friend so engrossed. “Ha. Yeah right Timber.” She snickered.
Timber jumped, startled. “What?” she asked.
Jeanine just chuckled and shook her head, Dave joining in on her light laughter.
“What?” Timber asked more persistently, narrowing her eyes.
Jeanine smiled. “You’re so not beauty pageant material.” She grinned.
“I was just reading it.” Timber informed her friend arrogantly before starting to move on. “Wait a minute!” she exclaimed, louder than necessary and stopped walking. “I could be in a beauty pageant if I wanted to be!”
Jeanine and Dave were the only ones paying attention as Bob hurried ahead and started a conversation with Ben. At this outburst, however, Kelly and Clint tuned in, slowing down to find out what was going on.
“Timber claims that she could be in a beauty pageant.” Jeanine filled them in.
Kelly started to laugh. “Timber, you and I know that’s more my thing.” She smirked. “You’re just not the hairspray and Vaseline-on-the-teeth kinda gal, you know? That’s actually a compliment.”
Timber rolled her eyes. “Fuck all of you!” she laughed. “As if I don’t know this anyways. I mean, being in a beauty pageant would require me to drop down to a double digit IQ and actually correlate with individuals who are vapid beyond moral bounds.”
Kelly just perked an eyebrow, not sure she had ingested all of the words her friend had spoken.
“Alrighty Websters.” Dave snickered.
“But fuck all of you!” Timber added. “I can’t believe you just insulted me like that!”
Kelly grinned mischievously. “Okay Timber. I dare you to enter the pageant. I triple dog dare you.”
“Triple dog dare?” Timber asked, looking over her shoulder in searching. “I’m sorry, did we walk through a time portal back there, launching us back to the forth grade?”
“I bet you one hundred dollars that you don’t make the top three runners.” Kelly continued as if she hadn’t heard her friend’s witticism.
Timber stuck her hand out. “Could you BE anymore on?” she asked.
Clint started to laugh at Timber’s inflection.
“Can I put in on that?” Dave asked. “One hundred bucks. Sorry Tim, I gotta go with Kelly. Those pageant girls are airheady cheerleader types. That’s what judges want. It’s not fair, but that’s the way shit works.”
“I’m going to have to agree.” Jeanine sighed.
“You guys are ass holes.” Timber scowled.
“So if you get in the top ranking Timber, we each have to pay you one hundred smackaroos.” Kelly summarized. “But if you don’t...”
“Can I get in on this?” Clint asked. “I think Timber could kick any of those girls asses. She’s smart, she’s sexy, and I’d fuck her.” He proclaimed.
“And I’m sure that last one bears credence.” Timber snickered.
Clint shrugged. “I’m going on the Timber side.”
“Just because you go on her side doesn’t mean she’s going to let you into her panties Clint.” Dave informed his brother, as the group continued after Bob and Ben.
“You never know.” Clint smirked.
Timber stopped walking. “Oh my God. I’m scared of you Clint.” She stated, her countenance expressing her concern.
Clint just shrugged and continued on with his hands in his pockets. “It’s better that way.”
* * *
Häagen Dazs was deserted that early in the afternoon, leaving the dining space open for the group of friends. Pushing two tables together, they were seated. Jeanine and Dave sat across from one another at one end, sharing a large banana split with chocolate sauce, sprinkles, and marshmallows. Ben sat beside Dave on one side of the table and Bob sat at his other side, enjoying a double-scoop vanilla-chocolate swirl with gummy bears. Kelly sat at the foot of the table with a strawberry cone and Timber was across from Bob, drinking a Clearly Canadian. Clint sat at Jeanine’s right hand, between his brother’s girlfriend and Timber, thoroughly licking vanilla ice-cream from a waffle cone.
“So what should we do for the rest of the day?” Kelly asked, silencing any private conversations with her query. “I feel like we don’t hang out as a group anymore since—“ she coughed to interrupt herself as she remembered that what she was about to bring up was a sensitive subject.
Dave grinned, compassionate, seeing her blush. “It’s okay Kels.” He informed her. “I know. Like, Scott is going nuts. I don’t know about Angela, but Scott is deteriorating without her, no matter how much he’s trying to hide it behind reckless behavior.”
Jeanine wrinkled her nose, setting down her spoon. “I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.” She murmured.
Dave looked across the table at her and sighed, reaching forth to cover her hand with his. He hated to see her so closed off from him, wanting to show her how much he loved her and have her just understand
. “Wait... did I miss something?” Kelly asked, looking to her cousin with concern.
“Just forget it.” Dave spoke for his girlfriend.
Jeanine looked up from the table top. “Scott and I... well, no... more like Scott fucked me.” She stated evenly, unflinching as five mouths dropped open.
“No you di’int!” Timber exclaimed ethnically, aiming to lighten the mood and causing Bob to start laughing.
Dave pulled his hand back from Jeanine and began to eat the remainder of the sundae in silence, keeping his eyes down. He didn’t like the way she had simply admitted such information; it sat uneasily with him. Her lack of emotion annoyed him, leading him to believe that she was not as upset about the situation as she had let on. Trying to keep such ill feelings at bay, Dave began to dice the long banana in his boat-shaped dish into small slices, mashing it down to a sugary mush.
“Jeanine!” Kelly shrieked. “I cannot believe you! How could you do that?”
Jeanine sighed begrudgingly. “I didn’t do anything Kelly! I was vulnerable and... God, it just happened.” She breathed dramatically.
Kelly shook her head defiantly. “No. Angela is your best friend. Don’t pull that bullshit on me. Even if you were mad at her! This is a clear-cut case of chicks before dicks!”
Timber looked across the table at Bob and raised an eyebrow. “Kelly just said ‘dick.’” She stated, quite amused.
“... wait until Angela hears about this!” Kelly exclaimed, taking out her cellular phone and beginning to dial.
“Kelly!” Jeanine exclaimed, standing up.
“Oh we are SO getting kicked out of here in a minute.” Timber sighed.
Kelly held up a warning finger. “Shh! I’m on the phone!” she snapped at her cousin.
“Jesus! Kelly! It’s not a big deal!” Jeanine yelled furiously.
Dave’s chair scraped the floor as he stood up and calmly walked out of the Häagen Dazs.
“Fuck.” Jeanine bit into her lip. “Kelly! Put the fucking phone down!” she shouted, hands on her hips.
Kelly clicked the ‘off’ button, clattering her phone down. “How could you?” she demanded, her eyes narrowing as she leaned forward with her hands on the table-top. “She is your best friend!”
“I thought I was your best friend.” Timber pouted, snickering with Bob as the two continued to mock the situation.
“I didn’t do anything!” Jeanine shout back. “I was vulnerable and do you even remember what she did with Dave?”
“Kicked out in five... four... three... two...” Timber began to count off.
“Oh shut up Jeanine! Please!” Kelly scoffed. “She didn’t do that maliciously at all, but you... you fucked him on purpose!”
“Kelly said the f-word.” Bob giggled.
“This girl whom you betrayed is already torn apart over the whole thing!” Kelly continued, her spread fingers crunching into fists. “She doesn’t even come out of her house! All she does is sleep all day because she lost the one thing that made sense in her life!”
“On a very special, Blossom.” Timber announced.
Jeanine shook her head slowly. “Oh, I see.” She said quietly with a severe edge to her tone. “So she’s the only one hurt in all of this, right? She’s the only one who should be upset.”
Kelly perked a manicured eyebrow, challenging Jeanine’s commentary.
“Fight!” Bob called out.
“She caused all of this!” Jeanine exclaimed, wanting to run after Dave but not before she set her cousin straight. “If Angela hadn’t started all of this shit, we’d all be fine right now. So she brought all of this upon herself.”
“Oh please. She had every reason.” Kelly sneered.
“I’m leaving.” Jeanine announced, storming past the table and breezing through the glass door with a ding of the bell.
Kelly sighed haughtily, picking up her cellular phone and heading for the back of the shop where the other exit was located.
“Yay!” Timber said sarcastically. “Another fight! Hooray for our clique.”
Bob just shrugged. “They fight every day. They’ll get over it.”
“Yeah, whatev. At least we’re together.” Timber grinned.
Bob started chuckling. “Now THAT is a very special Blossom.” He smirked.
“On the next, Full House.” Timber grinned.
Clint just shook his head, going back to lapping at the frothy white vanilla ice cream smoothly settled upon the glistening, sugary, waffle cone. His pink tongue grazed the surface, getting a little white on his lips, but licking it off slowly.
Ben squinted his key-lime eyes, taking in this display with amazement. Watching Clint lick his lips gave Ben the instinct to lick his own lips, biting into the flesh as he felt a slight tingle below the table top.
“Mmm.” Clint hummed, giving his cone one licks too many.
Ben coughed suddenly, hunching over as if experiencing a pain in his abdomen. His eyes widened.
“You okay buddy?” Timber asked, chuckling.
Ben just coughed once more before shrugging lightly. “I’ll, uh, be back.” He announced, jumping up and heading for the bathroom.
Bob watched him leave and smirked. “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”
“When nature calls, you gotta answer.” Timber provided.
Bob searched for an adage to one-up hers, but found the task harder than he originally thought. “When it’s time for diarrhea, it’s diarrhea time!” he shot back.
* * *
“Dave!” Jeanine called, running down the street after his strolling form.
He stopped walking when she called his name and turned to wait for her, hands tucked in his pockets, shoulders low, lips twisted awkwardly as he tried to smile.
“Dave, God. I’m... sorry.” She chose her words carefully as she slowed, approaching him.
Wisps of her hair billowed up off her shoulders as Jeanine looked his deep in the eye. “I’m sorry for... whatever it was Dave.”
He shook his head slowly. “I’m not mad at you Jeanine.” He mumbled quietly. “I just, I can’t... hear about what he did to you and, you said it so easily... like it didn’t even hurt you, but Jeanine, it hurts me too...”
Jeanine swallowed at his kind words, wondering what it was that made her keep the wall up between the two of them.
* * *
After the unbroken portion of the clique dispersed sometime around noon, Clint going home for a post-ice-cream nap, and Ben insisting that something had come up, Timber and Bob found themselves strolling down the block together, two lone cowboys in the desertion of early afternoon. Her hands were deep in the pockets of her baggy khaki pants, creating a view of her lower abdomen above the sagging waistband. Bob, too, had his hands in the pockets of his own khaki pants, chomping on a piece of bubblegum and staring up towards the sky.
“So whose place are we camping it at today?” he asked, looking over at her.
Timber shrugged, raising a hand to push her hair behind her ears. “Actually, not mine. Chandler’s home and he gets on my right nerve.”
Bob chuckled. “I think my place is deserted. My dad went off to make some sort of arrangement for something with something, and Sheila is flying out to see her sister for a few days.” He explained, scraping his heels against the smooth cement with each step and gazing back up to the cloudless sky. “And Scott is probably fucking some chic. He’s on the booty-rampage these days. It’s crazy. He’s actually having sex. Like, he left his cell phone in the kitchen last night and I was programming a lewd message into it and he has like fifty numbers! All of girls! He’s been off the market for what? Five days? And he’s racking up ass like... it ain’t no thang.” Bob grinned, equipping his ending comment with sassy neck motions.
Timber giggled, removing her hands from her pockets and crossing them over her middle. “I don’t even know what to make of that whole situation.” She commented on a serious note. “Like, will they get back together? Yes. But this isn’t going to be solved so easily like the last time. This is going to be all them.”
Bob sighed, nodding. “Yeah.” Was all he said.
They walked on for another moment, nearing the Moffatt house, and Bob looked at her, grinning. “You have an alligator on your shirt!” he chuckled, motioning towards the lime-green polo shirt she was wearing with a little alligator emblem on the left breast.
Timber looked down at her shirt for a moment then started to laugh. “It’s Lacoste!” she explained. “I had to beg Chandler to get this shirt for me. They used to be everywhere, but now you can only get them at Lacoste stores! Well there’s one in New York City, so when he flew through on his way from Cambridge, he picked up a few. I was going to order offline, but there’s something about vintage that I just cannot do.” She shivered.
Bob shook his head, chortling. “Okay princess. Inside.” He directed, as they approached the side door to his house. It was unlocked and he held it open for her, smacking her backside on her way in.
Timber shrieked cutely and started giggling as she entered the house.
“I wonder if Carmen called me.” Bob commented, going to the phone on the counter by the archway leading into the living room.
There was always a slip of paper beside the phone for taking messages because Clint always forgot. Bob picked up a little rip off the sheet with a name and phone number scrawled down. The message was for Scott, but still perplexed him.
“Who’s ‘Her-mee-ohn Nad-ee-ux?’” her asked, turning towards Timber who was seated at the island counter.
She raised and eyebrow. “What?” she asked.
“’Her-mee-ohn Nad-ee-ux.’” Bob sounded out again. “Some person who called Scott.” He explained.
Timber hopped off the stool and crossed the room, snatching the paper from Bob and making a face at him. She perused the slip and raised an eyebrow before beginning to chuckle to herself. “Bob, you’re such a card.” She teased. “Hermione Nadeaux. You pronounce it: Her-my-o-nee Na-doe. Hermione is a very British name, and Nadeaux is pure French.” Bob rolled his eyes. “Okay Miss Alligator Shirt.” He said, snatching the paper back. “Why don’t they just spell shit how it sounds? Bob. B-O-B. Looks like Bob, sounds like Bob. Easy. Then we get into Her-my-o-whatever and who the hell ever thought J-O-A-Q-U-I-N P-H-O-E-N-I-X spelled Joaquin Phoenix? What the hell is that? I say you spell it W-A-K-E-E-N F-E-E-N-I-X. For those ‘Hooked on Phonics’ didn’t work for.” He shook his head and headed through to the living room, leaving the scrap of paper on the table.
Timber was giggling in his wake. “Man, Bob! I do adore your random bursts of irritation at the injustices of the world.”
“Yeah, well... I’ve got a lot to say.” Bob informed her.
* * * Angela had been asleep since she had gotten up that morning and lay on the living room couch after a hot shower. Hours ticked by and Mia wafted in and out to check on her surrogate sister. Even Patti was quiet, sitting down on the floor in front of the television to watch Barney in silence as supposed to her usual singing along and dancing. Though only freshly three, she was very perceptive and knew exactly how to comport herself in given situations.
Angela’s eyes opened late that afternoon, sensing a presence very close to her face. She jumped to see two large hazel eyes.
“It’s about damned time!” Kelly exclaimed. “Patti and I have watched just about every Barney tape in your entertainment center!”
Angela rubbed her eyes, laying her head back down on the couch. “What do you want?” she whined then managed a soft chuckle.
“You’ve been sleeping forever! I’ve been talking on my cell for like an hour thinking your ass would wake up soon, but apparently staring into your face is the only thing to snap you out of this funk. Damn girl!” Kelly emphasized with the gesturing of her hands. “I was telling Timber how you sleep so fucking much and she swears you have Epstein Barr. I dunno what that is, but you sure didn’t catch it from me.”
Angela chuckled, closing her eyes and yawning with a hand over her mouth. Kelly looked on for a silent moment, sympathizing with her best friend. Angela was curled up on the couch in a pair of J. Crew sweat pants and a grey long-sleeved tee-shirt Kelly recognized to belong to Scott. She shook her head softly, sighing.
“Let’s get out of the house Angie. We can go shopping!” Kelly suggested with her signature upbeatness.
Angela studied her friend’s face for a long moment. “What.” She finally stated, noticing the way Kelly’s eyes were shifting quickly about the room, as if she had something to say, but suddenly recoiled, changing her mind.
“Nothing.” Kelly stated firmly.
“What.” Angela said firmly, ordering her friend to tell her.
She swung her feet onto the floor, sitting forward. “What.”
Kelly’s shoulders slumped and she knew she was defeated. She had originally meant to tell Angela, but seeing her in such a state had been discouraging; she didn’t want to inflict any more unnecessary pain.
“Kelly.” Angela prompted, suddenly fully aware of what she was about to hear.
Kelly sighed softly, knowing she couldn’t stall any longer.
“Angie... there’s something you should know.” She said quietly
. “What. Tell me.” Angela directed eagerly.
“Scott...” Kelly started to say, sighing as she saw the piqued interest in the other girl’s eyes. “Angie... he... he slept with Jeanine.”
Angela was silent, unmoving for a good long moment as the words slowly trickled into her system.
Kelly lightly touched her friend’s arm. “Angie...”
Angela jerked her arm away and covered her face with her cupped hands, beginning to sob into her palms all at once. Her soft curls hung over her knuckles, bobbing with the light racking of her shoulders. And Kelly watched, having no idea what to do, knowing full well that a hug, the usual means of consolation, simply would not suffice.
“God... sweetie...” Kelly murmured, leaning close to her friend.
Angela took a deep breath, as if the information were not real. She pulled back from her hands, vacillating back to sanity from irrational crying. She chuckled lightly for a moment then passed the next trying to fight back tears. “Why did you tell me that?” she asked, her thin lips folding into a grin once more before returning to a concerned countenance.
Before Kelly could reply, Angela had begun to cry again, this time not bothering to shield her face. Patti rushed over on bouncy steps to investigate the scene, resting her tiny hands on Angela’s lap to investigate.
“Angia...” the little girl’s small voice whispered softly, dripping with concern. “Angia... whatssa matter? Did you have an acci-dent?” she asked, reflecting the woes of her potty training experiences upon her sister.
Angela just shook her head silently, lowering her head to her hands again as her younger sister snaked two comforting arms around her shoulders.
“Angela... It’s going to be okay.” Kelly whispered.
And looking into Kelly’s eyes, Angela had the faint inkling that maybe she was right... or perhaps that inkling was a blind fantasy.
“I still love him.”
Kelly nodded, tentatively moving in and slipping an arm over her best friend’s shoulder.
“I know.” She said softly, gritting her teeth for a moment before continuing with: “And he still loves you.”
* * *
A relieved sigh escaped his lips like a sudden breeze sweeping over the trees mid-March. Hazy grey eyes slowly opened to the world and Scott grinned with near-satisfaction.
She pushed back against the palms of his hands, which held her head into his lap, and he released her, allowing her to detatch from him. She slowly snaked her body up against his, raising for her lips to meet his mouth. Agile and wet lips branded his chin, and the sharp scent of his own seed burned in his nose. Mouth still holding his juice, she tried to kiss him but Scott turned his face, pinching her nose and causing her to gag momentarily, gulping.
She sat back on her heels, pouting two pink lips at him. Scott checked his watch distractedly, then began to button his pants.
“Look, Charlene...” he began with mock regretfullness.
“Actually, it’s Charolette.” She corrected him.
“Sure.” He shook his head. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I should be going... I have a rehearsal.” He lied.
Charolette was the typical fan. He had run into her by chance at the mall, which actually saved him the trouble of having to search for a woman to meet his needs for the afternoon. He had a date that night anyhow, but found himself in need of a pre-date fix. Charolette had approached him at Sam Goody where he was absently scanning CD’s while actually scanning for women. Long legs, short skirt, blond hair in pigtails that had come in great handy moments later, she was the typical teeny-bopper. Nearly sixteen years old in a denim mini skirt and white shirt with a rainbow pony on the front, Scott was reminded why he didn’t date girls like her. From the second he tasted her watermelon lipgloss, he remembered why he went for older women, or at least women who attempted to act their age.
Charolette pouted, thinking she was cute. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to convince you to stay?” she said in a deep, seductive tone, sliding up on her knees so she was level with him seated in the passenger’s seat of Frank’s Expedition.
She moved her lips for his once more, but Scott gripped her shoulders, holding her back and causing her eyes to go wide. Normally his hook-up situations involved some means of courtship or a mutual settlement, but he had decided right in the beginning that Charlene or Charolette or whatever-her-name-was was just sex. It was just about him getting off and her living whatever fantasy she had of giving a famous guy a blow job.
“Wasn’t I good?” she pouted, hair falling on her cheek from where Scott had disheveled one of her ponytails with his grip.
He forced a smile, feeling a pang of remorse. “Yeah. You were great.” He replied, rubbing her shoulder.
“Really?” she asked and her eyes lit up.
Scott nodded, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.
Her bright blue eyes gazed into him. “Don’t you want to have sex with me?”
Scott just smiled.
* * *
“And I used to just sit there. Knumb. Everytime I saw them.” Bob continued, sitting back on the sofa and staring to the ceiling, his voice thick with emotion.
Ben was perched in the recliner, listening intently, sitting forward. Timber sat beside him, Clint on her other side, both watching the speaker and captivated. And Dave and Jeanine were perched on the loveseat, hands clasped together as they gave Bob’s gut-wrenching story their full attention.
“I mean... I never knew what it could be like. I never saw the horrors of it.” Bob went on, swallowing. “I always thought it was one of those things on aftershcool specials... I never knew it really happened. But everytime I hear his voice... trying to stay so strong in a world where he’s always on the outside, a piece of me dies. The sorrow... the shame...”
Timber pouted, her heart tugging in her chest. “Bob...” she whispered, touching his hand.
“And I hear them teasing him... Everytime... ‘Silly Rabbit! Tricks are for kids!’” Bob began to break down, head in his hands. “I mean...” he choked back tears. “Why can’t they just give the rabbit some tricks?! Why can’t they just share some damned Tricks with him!”
Timber’s eyes darkened as she yanked her hand back. “You are such a moron.” She informed him.
Bob sat up, smirking. “Yeah, but I had you going there.”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe you almost had me crying, thinking it was like one of your friends who like committed suicide or something.” Jeanine rolled her eyes.
Bob shrugged. “It’s true! The Rabbit just wanted some fucking tricks. Why can’t those stupid pricks just share? It’s a whole box! I’m sure they can’t finish a whole box on their own! I mean, DAMN!”
“He does have a point.” Ben begrudged, sitting back in the recliner.
“You know what else I don’t get?” Dave chimed in. “Why the coyote could never catch roadrunner. I mean, he worked and worked and poured what had to be thousands of dollars into all these gadgets that just repeatedly backfired on his ass, but never caught the roadrunner. You’d think he’s just use that money to buy himself some roadrunner at the local Farmer Jack supermarket, but whatever.”
“They’re animals. Their only good use is fashion. I mean you can’t expect something that would make a nice coat to come up with a bright idea.” Timber reasoned with a smirk. “The coyote isn’t going to be solving logarithms or anything. Give him a break.”
“That’s animal cruelty!” Jeanine whined.
Timber shot her a dark look. “No shit.” She smirked. “Now Jeanine, did Whiley Coyote help you with that one?”
The others chuckled while Jeanine just scowled. “Would you really do that?” she asked Timber.
“Jen,” Clint spoke up. “The girl has Alligator skin cowboy boots. What do you think?”
“Timber that’s so mean!” Jeanine cried out.
“I’m just kidding Jeanine. The boots aren’t even real.” Timber smiled. “You know I like animals! I don’t even eat meat!” she defended herself.
“You don’t eat anything, I doubt that argument was meant to hold water.” Dave smirked.
Timber glared at him.
“The boots aren’t real?!” Clint asked in surprise. “For what you paid for them you’d think they’d be real or made of gold!”
“Of course they were real.” Timber shrugged. “And they weren’t alligator. They were snakes.”
Jeanine paused, thinking this information through once more. “Oh.” She finally concluded, sitting back against Dave. “Well if they were snakes then it’s fine.”
Timber picked up the remote and switched the channel. “Thought so.”
Scott entered the house from the front door, stirring the attention of the other six away from the TV. He lightly waved before taking the stairs two and a time and eventually shutting the door to his bedroom.
“What the hell was that?” Ben asked, looking to Bob and Clint for guidance.
“Fucked in the ass if I know.” Clint responded lethargically, placing his hand on Timber’s knee.
She moved her leg away and scooted closer to Bob.
“You may not want to speak so candidly about taking it up the ass man.” Bob warned. “People might start taking you seriously. And then they’d think I was involved, us being twins and all.”
“ANYWAYS.” Jeanine cut in. “How is Scott lately?” she asked.
Bob exchanged a look with Dave, then Clint. “Um...” he started to shrug.
“Cut the crap, I wanna know.” Jeanine spoke up.
“He’s fine... I guess.” Clint replied. “A man whore, but fine.”
“You guys, I think we need to get him back with Angela.” Jeanine continued, her idea all along, but she felt the need to suffer through the preliminaries.
Bob shook his head, eyes still trained on the Jennifer Lopez video. “It’s not that easy Jen. If it were then it would be easy. But it’s not, so it’s not. Like... if it were easy, we do it, but if it’s not, we know not to do it because... DAMN that woman is going to be my baby’s mamma!”
Timber broke into hysterics. “Shit... mine too!”
“Hello!” Jeanine exclaimed. “Are you guys listening?!?!”
“Dude, Dave, you’re lucky you have a girlfriend as hot as Jennifer Lopez.” Clint spoke up. “She’s so fucking hot, it’s almost ridiculous. Jeanine looks kinda like her.”
“Why do you think I went out with her?” Ben asked. “Ever since I saw Selena I knew what was up. Then Jeanine? It’s no coincidence.”
“You guys are just trying to shut me up through flattery.” Jeanine rolled her eyes.
“I just wanna tap that ass,” Bob smirked. “I mean DAMN. Jenny just doesn’t know what’s up! She needs to come over here and get some Bob. She could beat me, rape me... damn!”
“I know!” Timber added. “Just give me FIVE minutes. Just FIVE. She’d be addicted to the Timster.” Timber took a deep breath and sat back. “I mean, ad-DIC-ted. Like... I was frickin... heroin or something! She’d be wanting to marry me.”
Bob, Ben, Clint, and Dave all turned to look at Timber in turn, astonished expressions painting their faces.
“Threesome.” Clint finally declared.
“Please.” Timber dismissed. “A, you couldn’t handle it and B, I don’t share.”
“I’d just need to watch!” Clint’s eyes lit up like it was Christmas day.
Timber still stared whimsically into space. “All she’s have to do was look at me and I’d know it was time. I’d take her hand and we’d go to a nice and quiet hotel room... big plush bed... that fine ass... I’d just... tear off all her clothes and...” Timber sighed dramatically. “I’d just smack that ass and watch the sweet ripple effect...” she paused, visualizing the event.
“And then what?” The four boys asked in unison.
Jeanine smacked Dave on the chest then stood up, went to the sofa to smack Clint and Bob, then Ben, before going back to sit down. “When did you turn lesbian Timber?”
Timber looked up. “Please child, J.Lo transcends gender. I’d make sweet love to that woman until it was declared illegal. Puff Daddy can go jerk off. The girl is MINE.”
“Oh come on Jen. Everyone has a same sex fantasy.” Ben pointed out with a smirk. “Who’s yours?” he asked.
Jeanine curved two shimmering pink lips into a smile and sat back. “Ummm... I dunno... I’d have to think about it.”
“Yeah right. You probably already know, you just don’t want to tell us.” Bob teased. “I bet yours is J.Lo too.”
Jeanine started to laugh nervously. “While J.Lo is a very tempting offer, I think I’d rather go for like... Angelina Jolie or Catherine Zeta Jones.” She admitted.
“Naw. I’m J.Lo all the way.” Timber smiled. “Jennifer Lopez is so fucking hot! Like it’s just something about her that makes me just wanna... go lesbo!”
“Lesbians are so cool!” Clint exclaimed, thinking back to the time he had watched two girls hooking up in the guest room. He suddenly remembered that he had never washed the sheets.
“What about you guys.” Jeanine asked. “Same sex hook ups. A celebrity dude that you’d fuck.”
“Myself.” Clint chuckled.
“You already do that every morning.” Bob grinned. “And evening. And rainstorm... and after you see Timber... and everytime you feel lonely, dude! You’re gonna have to wear a brace soon!” he teased his twin.
“Fuck you!” Clint exclaimed.
Bob grinned. “Oh really Clint. I had no idea I was your celebrity screw!” Bob chuckled.
“Well...” Dave spoke up. “I’m man enough to admit that I’d have sex with a guy.” He smiled contentedly. “If I had to screw a celebrity it’d be Jakob Dylan of the Wallflowers. Him or Lennie Kravitz. Actually... I think it’d be Lennie Kravitz. Yeah. Or someone like Leonardo DiCaprio. He did look good in Romeo and Julliet... or maybe...”
“We said one celebrity screw, we didn’t say turn gay on us.” Bob grinned. “Dude, I’m going to start locking my door at night. You too Clint. You’re weak. Easily succeptible to ass-raping.”
Timber broke into hysterics, lolling her head back and eventually falling with her head in Clint’s lap.
“Hey now.” Clint smiled.
“Who would you pick Ben?” Dave asked loudly, to change the subject, hoping the pink in his cheeks would go down.
Ben paused. “I think Lennie Kravitz is more my style, but I think I’d go for like... Brad Pitt or something. He’s good looking and maybe we’d get Jennifer into a little something.” He winked.
Jeanine rolled her eyes. “Oh please.” She smirked. “You go Clint.”
“Yeah,” Timber grinned, sitting up as she recovered from laughter. “WE know there’s some celebrity dick you wanna shove down your throat!” she joked crassly.
“Shove THIS down your throat!” Clint exclaimed, arm around her shoulder, and shoved her head back into his lap.
“She bit your nuts the last time you did that.” Bob reminded his brother.
“Small price.” Clint smirked. “And I think I’d screw like... Ricky Martin or something. I’d have to worry less about rejection.” He grinned.
Timber yanked her head back from Clint. “You homo!” she exclaimed. “I knew you weren’t watching all those videos for the girls. You were wishing you were shakin’ your bon-bon right alongside him!”
Jeanine laughed. “I knew it! You got a little to excided when the Menudo special was on the TV.”
“Oh please!” Clint rolled his eyes. “If I wanna get turned on by a guy, I just look in the mirror.”
Ben smirked.
“I once heard him playing ‘Livin’ la Vida Loca’ in his room when he thought no one was listening.” Dave spoke up.
“Shut up!” Clint exclaimed. “Hey Dave, finally narrowed your list of guys to fuck down a bit? Finally made the list of the top five or can you not decide what to do with Mel Gibson?”
“MEL GIBSON!” Dave exclaimed. “That’s who I’d pick! Thanks Clint! He’s perfect. A manly man... older... foreign...”
“Please, is it a one night stand or will I be visiting you guys and the kids at the cottage in the Catskills on holidays?” Timber asked. “Timeshare in Florida or a bottle of cheap wine and some flavored condoms? Make the choice Dave.”
Dave pouted, hugging Jeanine closer.
“Nobody asked who I’d have sex with!” Bob chimed in.
“Well we already know who you WON’T have sex with.” Ben chuckled.
“Below the belt man, below the belt.” Bob shook his head.
Timber paused in confusion. “Wasn’t that the point of this exercise?”
“Anyways.” Bob rolled his eyes. “If I had to choose a guy to hook up with, I’m sure you all know who it’d be.”
“Who?” Timber asked. “Clint?”
“Yeah, me?” Clint asked.
“That disturbs me.” Jeanine stated.
“You can’t have Mel. He’s mine.” Dave asserted.
“And Ricky only shakes his bon bon for Clint’s viewing pleasure.” Timber added.
“No, none of those pansies.” Bob smiled.
“Then who would you pick?” Ben asked plainly.
Bob grinned from ear to ear. “Joaquin Pheonix.” He replied. “I mean, duh.”
* * *